Whether by happenstance or design, all exhausted parents will at some point have found themselves co-sleeping with their baby; nodding off on the sofa while they sleep on your chest or a few precious extra minutes of sleep in the morning sleeping side by side in bed.
But in recent years, as the trend for attachment parenting theory has encouraged a generation of parents to nurture connection with their children, co-sleeping has moved into the mainstream: a recent survey of over 3,400 new parents, carried out by The Lullaby Trust, showed that nine in 10 co-sleep with their baby.
However, while co-sleeping has its benefits, newly released figures by Scotland’s prosecution service show that sleeping in the same bed as an infant caused 19 deaths last year. One in four sudden deaths of babies was as a result of co-sleeping. Only 4 in 10 parents were advised by a health professional on how to reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) of co-sleeping with their baby.
Still, it is promoted by many as a preferential arrangement. “Sleeping next to your infant is a human-defining attribute”; reads a post on Tiffany Belanger’s Instagram account, cosleepy. With 119k followers she is leading a movement of parents who are claiming their right to co-sleep with their babies, posting annotated images of how to do it safely.
And the benefits of co-sleeping have been extolled by US anthropologist James J. McKenna, whose studies have shown that when parents and babies sleep together, their heart rates, brain waves, sleep states, oxygen levels, temperature, and breathing influence one another. The implication is that this is a natural arrangement. Indeed, the testosterone levels of males have been found to lower as a result of co-sleeping. Men with lower testosterone tend to engage in more sensitive and responsive parenting, which means that bed-sharing may make for better fathering.
“Co-sleeping has become more of a lifestyle choice,” says Andrea Grace, a baby and child sleep consultant. “Nowadays people are very thoughtful about attachment parenting, they’re aware about mental health and parents are keen to make sure their babies have good mental health from the get-go, and that’s by protecting the attachment.” It is a distinctly different approach to that popularised in the 1990s by Richard Ferber in his book Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems, which established the trend for letting babies “cry it out” to sleep “independently”.
According to the Royal College of Midwives, safer sleep advice is not consistently followed or understood by parents. So what do you need to know?
What is co-sleeping?
“Generally speaking, when health professionals and charities such as The Lullaby Trust speak about co-sleeping, they mean bed-sharing,” explains Grace.
This is different, she says, from “co-sleeping” cots that join the side of the parental bed, which give a baby their own sleep surface. “These offer what I would call “close sleeping” rather than co-sleeping.”
While some might plan to co-sleep Grace says most parents actually don’t. “But most end up doing it at some point,” she says. “That’s because babies waking up in the night are very difficult to settle and it becomes the only way to make sure that everybody gets some sleep is to bring the baby in with them. Babies do tend to be more settled when they are younger when they’re close to a parent.”
Is it safe to co-sleep with a baby?
The advice from The Lullaby Trust is that to reduce the risk of cot death, a baby should always sleep in a separate cot, crib or Moses basket, and that for the first six months, their cot should be in your room. However, research has shown that nine in 10 parents co-sleep.
“Whilst lots of parents make a conscious choice to co-sleep and pay careful consideration to doing this as safely as possible, most parents who co-sleep with their baby did not plan to do so in advance,” says Grace.
The majority of research studies conducted over the past 20 years have found that sharing a sleeping surface with an infant creates an environment where the potential risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) increases, with the level of risk varying according to how the co-sleeping is arranged and individual factors relating to the infant and caregiver.
When not to co-sleep
There are lots of caveats for when it is definitely not safe to co-sleep. These include if a baby was premature - earlier than 37 weeks - or had a low birth weight - meaning approximately 5lb/2.5kg or under. If either parent smokes, even if it’s not at home, or if either parent has been drinking or taking any drugs with a sedative effect, co-sleeping is not safe, nor if a baby has a high temperature. It is also not safe if sleeping on a sofa or in an armchair.
Co-sleeping more safely: positions and tips
If you are clear of the contraindications and are going to co-sleep, Grace says: “Give them their own space on top of the bed, with their own bedding to chest height or a sleep bag. Make sure their head is uncovered.”
You must also make sure that your baby can’t be trapped, wedged or fall out of bed or get trapped between the mattress and the wall. “Keep pillows and adult bedding away from your baby,” says Grace. “Keep your baby cool and the room temperature at 16 - 20 degrees C. Keep pets away from the bed and don’t have other children sharing the bed.”
How to transition away from co-sleeping
The question of when - and how - to stop co-sleeping is something that parents ask Grace for help with. If you do want to move away from co-sleeping, Grace recommends setting up a bedtime routine and helping your baby to fall asleep alone in their own sleep space but still with you close by.
“The first time you try this, it’s best to do it in the evening when you settle them for the night, as this is when sleep hormone levels are high and it’s a bit easier for them,” says Grace.
If they are upset, Grace recommends patting, ssshing, singing and stroking them in the cot and picking them up from time to time. “Respond consistently during the night in the same way as you did at bedtime. Keep the nights calm and quiet.”
And most of all: “Give them a lovely welcome in the morning with lots of closeness and cuddles.”